It's Not All About Me!

"It's Not About Me!"
Kevin Bruce Parent, All Rights Reserved

“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” ~ Audrey Hepburn



This past week, I finally sat still long enough to be interviewed by my dear friend Alex Jackson. Alex is a young, but very mature, graduate student who writes a blog for the South Carolina Spinal Cord Injury Association on living life with a disability. Alex has an insight on life that I can relate to firsthand, although we are functionally somewhat different because my injury is more incomplete, we both sustained cervical spinal cord injuries at the same level, C5/6. Alex’s attitude, intelligence, and perseverance are inspiring. His quest for independence in spite of his dependency for basic care is quite admirable. His smile is contagious and comes from within.



Those who know me well enough, know that I don’t really mind talking, but talking about myself, especially on video, is not something that I’m very good at or really enjoy doing. I’d much rather be doing, and not talking about what I’ve done. I do not sing my own praises very well, but I know that I’ve done a lot of good that will benefit a lot of people. It was, actually, a pleasure for me to have the opportunity to talk to Alex in depth, and to have the chance to possibly make a greater impact on him too. He is our future in advocacy.



I have a lot of respect and admiration for Alex. Our lives are always full of stuff that we don’t necessarily like to do, that we must simply do. This was an opportunity for me to talk about Access to the Garden, and my accomplishments as a Consultant on Accessibility. My favorite question, “What has been my greatest accomplishment?” My answer was of course, “All of them”. (I know that I’m not the easiest person to be interviewed.) Any progress that I’ve made to improve someone else’s life is, indeed, monumental and significant. Whether it is a trip to the aquarium without barriers, moving a cart rack off the access aisle, or having a curb ramp installed to permit access to a park, it’s all been incredibly important.



When I’ve learn that I’ve made a difference without even realizing it, I am probably the most rewarded. When I’ve had Chief Building Officials repeat my words back to me about doing more than the regulations call for because it is the right thing to do, and because it makes life even easier for everyone, it makes me smile. (It makes me smile really big!) When I hear the next generation of advocates outwardly think, and jokingly ask, “What would Brenda do?” I’m somewhat ecstatic because they are thinking of a solution, and not dwelling on the problem as being unfixable. When I encounter a practicing therapist, nurse, or even an architect who remembers me talking to them when they were a young professional, that too is incredibly rewarding knowing that their perspective on people with disabilities has been broadened to understand the importance of why and how they are doing what they do and for whom they are doing it for.



Hearing someone in a position of authority openly say, “We can do better”, is also an amazing achievement. This is the first step towards progress. It is with this general acceptance of the realization that they have not done enough towards full compliance, which gets things going and moving in the right direction. This lack of avoidance is the progression in attitude that will reflect positive change.



Chances are that when I pass from this life, there will not be any large monuments erected in my honor. When I know that a person can go somewhere without encountering any barriers or obstacles to full inclusion, that is enough for me to know that I’ve done something really great! Occasionally, a few will say thank you, and that they appreciate what I have done and what I’m doing. Many will never know that I was there.



When I plant my garden, I do believe in the hope for tomorrow. Although, I know that the topography will change with time, and suburbia will continue to sprawl, it is my hope that more focus will be placed on the importance of green space. As I learn more about what is around me within my own community, I see more emphasis growing on Urban and Community Farms. I also see more emphasis on gardening within the home landscape.



I avoid politics whenever possible, but I do believe in the importance of giving praise when it deserves to be given. Michelle Obama’s garden at the Whitehouse is fabulous! Nothing speaks louder than the leader of our nation having a vegetable garden at the Whitehouse. I never realized until now that the last kitchen garden at the Whitehouse was developed and maintained by Eleanor Roosevelt, with her campaign for the Victory Gardens. The Victory Gardens were a great project to encourage self reliance during a time of food shortages! Michelle Obama's campaign for 'American Grown' is a great project that encourages healthy eating for all during a time where obesity and health problems are a result of our nation's unhealthy eating habits.



A lot of life’s lessons are learned in the garden. Everything from reproduction to death is right there in front of a young person’s eyes. Healthy eating is also taught! A garden is definitely a grand teacher. I have found that when I’m feeling overwhelmed by life, there is no better place for me to slow down, think, reflect, and focus. Sometimes, it is just as important for me to get out there and not think. My brain never seems to stop, so occupying it with repetitive work is a way to unwind.





My biggest issue with time is not accepting the simple fact that things do take me longer. My husband’s generic answer seems to be, “I’ll take care of it. It’s easier for me.” My response to this is always the same, “Almost everything is easier for you, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to do it.” Besides, I am so impatient that I only ask once if the task seems incredibly difficult. If it isn’t done to my liking, I’ll end up doing it anyway. Yes, I’m somewhat particular. Knowing that most things do take me longer, just keeps me working later.



My disability hasn’t changed who I am. It has just taught me more about me. It has brought out more confidence at times, and the ability to deal with less BS. Trying to understand human behavior is often quite perplexing to say the least. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone treated others the way they wished to be treated?



My garden is a place where it is more about me, although, while I’m in the garden, I still find myself acting as the nurturer. That part of me will not change. I can’t control everything in the garden; Mother Nature has the upper hand on that. My hope is that whatever I plant will grow, prosper and remain. Unfortunately, I know that the majority of it will not. I’ll never forget visiting my grandmother’s house years after she had passed away. The majority of her landscaping had been removed. It is my hope though, that one bulb or one seed has survived. Maybe, I’m it.

Up, Up, Up, It's a Great Day for Up!

“Up, Up, Up, It’s a Great Day for Up!”



When I wake up in the morning, I love to look out the window and admire the glowing life of all of my plants and flowers. Somehow by just looking at them, they make me feel very alive. Occasionally, I find myself enjoying them so much that I may feel a little saddened prematurely knowing that too soon the beautiful blooms will fade. It all seems to happen entirely too fast.



As a Mom, when my son was younger, I sometimes found myself feeling the same as I would watch him at night while he was sleeping in his bed. It was almost as if I could actually see him growing. That time too, went entirely too fast. (He is now 24.) Regardless of the passing of time and the occasional sadness in my life, I still find myself almost daily quoting Dr. Seuss in his book, Great Day for Up! “Up, up, up! It’s a great day for up!”



The amount of time that I spend in my garden may actually surprise many. Some people may think that I’m a little strange for spending so much time outside. I, on the other hand, think they are odd for never going outside. Although, I do sincerely believe that if I had more property that I would never get any work done on the inside of my house, and I would probably work myself to death outside.



Nothing is more beautiful than a flower bud that is ready to burst open with life! Somehow, and somewhat mysteriously each individual flower bud will unfurl with incredible detail and beauty. You can almost feel the life as it bursts open towards the sun, each flower looking a little different than the other. I don’t think I could ever get an identical photograph of any flower or plant specimen.



I’ve used a wheelchair for the last 28 years of my life. At the time that I broke my neck in an automobile accident in New Hampshire, I never thought about death. I was 22, and at the beginning of my independent life as an adult. Life was really good. The only time that I vaguely thought about the possibility of death was when I had to sign a statement declaring that I realized the possibility of never waking up from the anesthesia the hospital gave to me before undergoing a spinal fusion of my cervical vertebrae at C 5/6.



Few people know that plants were important to me then as well. While I was in the hospital, I received a note and special concoction of three homeopathic medicines. The author, J.D. Salinger sent the medicine via my ex-brother in-law. Although, I never met the writer, he had a home in Cornish, New Hampshire, and was very much into alternative medicine. He lived to be 91. At the time of my injury, I was willing to try anything conventional or not. My doctors were aware of this as well.



My injury was incomplete, which means that I regained movement and sensation throughout my body. Initially, I was paralyzed from the neck down. Whether or not there was any effect from the homeopathy, prayer, or if it was entirely a result of traditional medicine and surgery, I’ll never know. At the time, I was open to any available option.



Plants are not just intriguing in appearance, but in their use as well. Few people realize that aspirin was derived originally from a plant. Many plants, fresh fruits and vegetables have remarkable health benefits, and we are constantly making new medicinal discoveries from them. This is an area of study that truly fascinates me, especially the gardener in me.



“Life is a Gift”, in some way or form, whether it is known to us or not. Plant life is a gift too. When I wake up in the morning, I try to keep this all in mind. Although, I may not wiggle and waggle with quite as much excitement as my rescue puppy Jodi does when I let her out of her crate, I try to appreciate it all.



It wasn’t until I had celebrated the 25 year anniversary of my accident (most SCI do celebrate this and every year after onset of any paralysis) that I realized that the average life expectancy after a cervical spinal cord injury was 20 years. Knowing that I have reached a comfortable place in my life, I am able to work at what I enjoy. The old saying that “life is short” certainly applies. We have no idea what is in store for us next, especially when we feel our happiest. That’s how my life seems to unfold anyway.



Regardless, we have to enjoy what we have now or otherwise we would constantly feel depressed about the next tragic event that is just waiting to occur in our lives. Like a flower, we need to enjoy every stage of our lives. I’ve raised an awesome son, and hopefully, someday in the very distant future, I’ll have a few grandchildren to spoil too.



Like a puppy, we all need to wiggle and waggle more. Enjoy the beauty of the here and now, and appreciate all that is fabulous! As a new flower bursts with life, we should learn to appreciate what is really important in life. We should take the time to really see the true beauty as it unfolds before us.



Note: I recently LinkedIn professionally with another blogger, Bill Tipton who writes on issues with life with a visual disability, http://globaldialoguecenter.blogs.com/disabilities/ Dialogue with Bill is a beautifully written blog. He in his writing introduced me to a very inspiring musician, Justin Hines. His life story, video and positive attitude are absolutely refreshing. Enjoy!
Link to life story: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7392060n&tag=api Link to Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=PGNn0XwKlpY

Blowing in the Wind

"Blowing in the Wind"

“One does not begin to make a garden until he wants a garden. To want a garden is to be interested in plants, in the winds and rains, in birds and insects, in the warm-smelling earth.”
Liberty Hyde Bailey

When you live on the coast, you must often deal with strong winds. As an advocate, others must also have to deal with my occasional gusts of hot air. As my husband, and I headed to the large garden center this past Memorial Weekend, the infamous car without an accessible parking plate or placard, was using the access aisle as a parking space. It is illegal for anyone, with or without a placard to park on this striped area. The area is intended to be used by someone with an accessible van to deploy their lift or ramp.

Had the owner walked out to her car while I was exiting my van, I probably would have said a few unkind words to her. As it was, no one came around, and my husband and I went inside. As my husband was off doing his own thing, I came across an older woman who was having obvious difficulties with walking. She told me that she should get a chair like mine and asked me, “How much does one like that cost? I told her that an ultra-lightweight wheelchair was very expensive. I told her that a lot of times the bigger stores provided wheelchairs and carts at the front of the store. She also asked me if I had borrowed mine from the store. Oh well, I briefly explained to her that I had been using a wheelchair for 28 years, and I had purchased my own chair.

My husband and I proceeded to the garden section, and purchased an Arrowwood Viburnum, ‘Blue Muffin’, to replace our dead maple. We also purchased a few more flats of annuals (more pentas, zinnia and vinca) to have something to look forward to later this summer. As we were loading up the van, the lady that I had met from the inside of the store walked out, and to her car that was parked on the access aisle. I did not yell, but I took the time to explain to her that she was not parked in a parking space. (I still question how much she actually understood, but at least I tried to make my point.) She asked me who was going to plant all of the flowers, and seemed quite amazed that I could assist with such a feat.

A person cannot always expect a person with a disability, who often has to wait for the owner to come out, or who has to give a complete stranger their keys to back up their car because they can’t get back into their van, to be so patient. I remember another time quite vividly yelling at someone, after I had to wait in the cold at a mall in New England, while I was freezing and paying a babysitter by the hour. They told me I had an attitude, and maybe that day I did. My attitude reflected their inconsiderateness, and unreasonable expectation for me to wait out in the cold for them to come out of the store.

There will always be times where people with disabilities will speak up, especially when they are personally inconvenienced. “Not knowing” or “Only for a minute”, are never valid excuses for parking illegally. If someone blows off wind at you, chances are you probably deserve it.

There have been many other real windy times that I’ll never forget. As a parent, I remember getting a phone call from my son as he was out in his boat under a bridge watching a water spout. Another time, I told him and his friend to go play in the woods. Little did I know that later that afternoon, we would be under a tornado warning. As an adult, my son commissioned as an Officer in the US Navy, and spent eight months in the Persian Gulf. He was in charge of helicopter and small boat missions while defending an oil platform. He once told me of a hundred mph wind that came up, out of nowhere, after he had deployed two small boats. Everyone thankfully ended up safely back on deck. He later told me that his job was one of the most dangerous jobs on the ship. (Just what a Mom wants to hear.)

As an empty nester, advocacy and gardening are a way to keep me from worrying about those things that I can’t control. This past weekend, with the warm waters in the Atlantic, the winds wreaked their usual havoc on my plants. The longer we go without evacuating and preparing for a storm, the more containers and garden art I tend to accumulate. Through the years, I have had numerous plants knocked over and blown around. When the winds blow without rain, the containers and plants have a tendency to dry out.

My new elevated beds were blown fairly well by the wind. They are elevated even more than normal because they are up on the back deck. I lost a zucchini and, quite fortunately, nothing else so far. Heavy rain is supposedly on its way. My husband and I secured the trellises to the beds to prevent them from blowing over. For the most part, everything fared very well. It is still just the beginning of the hurricane season. I certainly hope that Beryl wasn’t any indication of what’s to come.

As a gardener on the coast, I have to have a plan in case we do need to evacuate quickly. I take a lot of pride in our yard and home. Protecting it to the fullest extent possible is necessary. Small objects, stray tools, and containers are brought into the garage to prevent them from becoming projectiles. Larger furniture and containers are moved in as well whenever possible. When I lived on my own, my neighbors would help me with securing everything safely. We keep a small plastic pool in the garage to set the containers in water in case we are gone for a few days. This is all part of our storm plan. We will pack up our pets, but the plants will be left behind. Fortunately, there are sedatives for the animals. My cat Shelby meows continuously just going to the vet that is only 3 miles away. Several hours is unthinkable.

Avocados and the Holy Punch

“Avocados and the Holy Punch”

I went to bed last night with a pit in my stomach, and I woke up this morning with a feeling as if I had been punched. When I’m stressed, I have a tendency to press my hand firmly against my face while I’m sleeping. I woke up with a red pressure area on my chin. It’s faded now, but sore. My husband jokingly referred to it as the “Holy Punch!” Actually he called it something else, but I had to change the name for this public blog. I laughed.

Last night, I went from this amazing, overwhelmingly intense feeling of happiness, to an overall emotion of discouragement. (I am not manic.) Oddly, I was already expecting that type of story to be produced in that publication. A story that downplayed the hardships endured with accessibility from people living with disabilities within and around the ‘Holy City’. The story seemed to highlight the supposed valiant efforts of the city, many efforts that could be easily refuted in all areas of access, including parks.

A few weeks earlier, I had been interviewed by someone who very pleasantly surprised me as a Freelance Reporter with a very genuine and personal understanding of the needs of people with disabilities. She, and her parents have all endured hardships that have made them all very strong people. Understandably, I realize that newspaper Editors have a tendency to do what they do, and in my book this Reporter is still awesome for trying to tackle such an issue in a city that can’t face the truth that accessibility is nonexistent for the most part and incredibly dangerous! She also did an outstanding job with her writing, and using the appropriate terminology. (This was a condition of our interview.)

Fortunately some good came out of this report on the accessibility of the ‘Holy City’, and for that I’m appreciative. I’ve made new contacts, new friends, and have been introduced socially to real people who genuinely reflect a positive attitude, no matter what life throws at them. I’ve met real people who know the daily struggles of any person living with a disability. If you add to that, the lack of accessibility in every aspect of life, it is understandable why many are frustrated and discouraged with life in general.

Once again, I find myself digging very deeply within to find my smile, and to focus on the sunrise. This week, I have been listed as a Contributor with an International Publication on Horticultural Therapy and Horticulture. It’s still in the works, but it seems like a great opportunity. This will be an opportunity to have even more fun at doing something that I actually truly enjoy.

The pit in my stomach will disappear as I think about gardening. I see this as being a transformation very similar to that of an avocado becoming a tree, or a bean becoming a bush with lots of beans. The raised beds with vegetables that I planted just a few weeks ago are doing quite well. My new seedlings are reaching towards the sky. I had given up on growing veggies a few years ago, until last year when I saw the open spaces around my yard as an opportunity to grow something that I could actually eat. This year I decided to purchase a few elevated beds, and have them on my porch. I know the difficulties of pests, insects, and diseases when trying to grow anything.

Let the battle begin. The outcomes are certainly worth it. I try to utilize organic preventative practices whenever possible, because I’ve seen dead bees in my yard in the past. My Master Gardener friends would refer to this battle as Integrated Pest Management (IPM), with the use of either chemical/biological and mechanical controls. Last year, after encountering many daily insect battles, and after witnessing a tobacco horn worm eating my cherry tomatoes, bite by bite, I found myself becoming somewhat brutal with my hand pruning shears, with my secateurs. This was probably in July, when the temperatures were close to 100 degrees, and I found myself watering twice a day. (Probably after a meeting too.)

I know that a more ethical treatment would have been the use insecticidal soap, and to have handpicked the caterpillars off of my tomatoes, one by one, and to have placed them gently in a solution of dishwashing soap and warm water. This trick I actually learned from my genetics class in college when we were examining the traits in Drosophilae (fruit flies).

(They didn't have a snake....)

In life, some of us get bopped more frequently from the giant bop bag than others. (For those of you who have no idea of what I am referring to, a bop bag is an inflatable cartoon character, about 3 feet high, filled with sand at the bottom. You repeatedly hit it, and it continually comes back at you for you to whack again.) Others manage to avoid it completely. Regardless, we all deal with whatever life throws our way.

Avocados can turn dark very quickly. I learned a trick this past week regarding placing the actual avocado pit, (obviously being careful not to eat it, which seems impossible to do, but you never know), into the Guacamole to delay this process. I’ve always just used lemon juice, but I was told through a friend that this also works.

Occasionally, in the garden there are insects and pests that make our task seemingly never ending. Sometimes, we can simply remove these pests, or remove the damaged plant areas, and at other times we are forced to use whatever treatment we deem necessary. Hopefully, we opt for the safest treatment to avoid injuring the beneficial insects, and to reduce any potential toxic use of chemicals.

Dealing with equal accessibility in this area has definitely been very similar to getting whacked repeatedly. I question how some communities, i.e. Tybee Island, Georgia, can understand so well that good access is good business. Brookgreen Gardens in Murrell’s Inlet, SC has a beautiful and very accessible garden whereas some gardens keep using crushed stone or sand. Last week our media ran another story about how a women and her family was denied access to the beach because she had a service animal with her. It sometimes seems endless. To quote a new friend, SMH! (Shaking My Head!)

http://www.postandcourier.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=%2F20120521%2FPC1205%2F120529967%2F1002%2Fgaining-access-holy-city-proves-challenging-for-those-with-disabilities

For the Love of Advocacy, Writing, and Leaf Blowers

“For the Love of Advocacy, Writing, and Leaf Blowers”

All Rights Reserved, Kevin Bruce Parent Photography with Permission

People generally have been very quick to determine two things out about me. I don’t like telephones, and if I don’t know something, I have no inhibition about asking a question. I ask myself questions almost constantly. I have always been extremely inquisitive. From asking questions, whether we look up the answer ourselves, consult an expert via writing or as in my case as a last resort we make an occasional phone call, we learn.

In life, it can be very annoying being around people who think that they do have all of the answers, especially when you know that they possibly don’t. Interestingly enough, quite often the best strategy that I have found is to not make an issue with the things that you think you know for certain. I honestly think that this is a good quality of a true friend or companion. You learn what is really important and worth negating. I may later make my point by forwarding the necessary supportive documentation. This, more than likely, is a result of having once worked as an Auditor. If I am wrong, I will determine and acknowledge that too. The important thing is for real friends to effectively communicate what is really necessary, even when they're very angry with you. Friends also show their support through encouragement regarding what the other person is up to, even when they may not have a personal interest. (For this, I am extremely appreciative.)

When something very seemingly unjust occurs, I do not hesitate to ask why either. I have learned from experience to think about what I’m going to say, and how I’m going to say it before I open my mouth. I also put a lot of emphasis on the “to whom?” am I going to say it to. When you have to wait excessively to check out or be seated, because there is only one aisle that you can fit through or there are only two tables that have been put together for a large party and there is nowhere else that you can sit because they only have booths, you learn that yelling at the clerk doesn’t do you a lot of good. Admittedly, sometimes it happens, but better outcomes are achieved by finding out who actually owns the facility or who is ultimately held accountable for the actions of their employees. When I can get through to them in a positive way, this gives me a feeling of being unstoppable.

The feeling of empowerment can be a good thing. I’m not always a control freak, believe me. There was a time in my life that I was more so, but I have reached a certain level of maturity where I like to see others take initiative and for them to be in charge. I may advise occasionally, but I don’t always have to tell people what to do. (Some may not believe me on this, but it is true.) Now, if you plan on doing something halfway and not wholeheartedly, I will be heard. When I do anything, I put over 100% into it and I expect others to do the same.

This week has really been awesome! Initially, when I started blogging, I thought I would only be reaching out to people with disabilities, or to those getting older. Surprisingly, there is an international interest in adaptive gardening, and I love it! There is simply a universal interest in gardening for all people. I am inclined to believe that horticulture as therapy is finally becoming more widespread in the USA. My media interviews this week have dealt specifically with issues relative to Access to the Garden, and have involved the home garden. There is a huge interest in raised beds, containers and tools that make gardening easier for all people.

Life in the suburbs often means being surrounded by people who know of no other way to garden other than by using power tools. I almost prefer the mow, blow and go guys because they are in and out very quickly. I will not wear ear plugs in my home office, so I intentionally try to schedule my work around the noise. Often, I’ll pull out my own electric blower and wage a noise war. Subconsciously, I want to do this at 2 a.m. This all reminds me of a funny song that I once heard on the Bob and Tom show by the Asylum Street Spankers called Leaf Blower. (Hysterical, to me anyway. No worries though, I don’t have any desire to use a gun.)

Yes, I’m a wee bit whacky at times, but life is too short. I keep the peace with my neighbors, although I’ve never strictly adhered to the covenants. I’ve tried to let them know beforehand exactly what I’m doing. We have stupid rules about front yard vegetable gardens, boats, basketball goals, clotheslines, etc. I personally would prefer more rules prohibiting wasteful practices, chemical pesticides and herbicides, irrigation use during rain, and excessive noise. I would also allow chickens……..

Good companionship is also important in the garden. Plants have to get along too. Native plants seem to be a logical choice. Plant selection requires choosing and placing plants in locations with other plants with similar needs (sunlight and watering requirements). The same is true within my containers, yet I still take chances and mix things up occasionally. (I don't like segregation.) Because I am in the South, my plants have to be very drought tolerant. Unlike my Canadian gardening friends, my Coneflowers are blooming now. For late summer color, I include Zinnia, Sunflowers and Lantana. My soil tends to be very sandy, making the use of compost essential. Mulch is also important to retain moisture. I have learned to integrate my gardens with the use of containers for the plants that require either extra hand watering or for those that require less water. I have tropical plants mixed in, and I know that with extra care in the winter they can survive.

If I was designing a community garden, I would be certain to have areas integrated within the garden with raised beds and containers. Wider rows and hard surface pathways would also be included. Herbs would be used to create a sensory garden. I know that space and a quality outcome are important, but with proper planning this can be maximized. Obviously, not everyone with a disability uses a wheelchair. I would plan my garden based on including all people within my community, and consider the fact that anyone can acquire a disability at any time. We’re not exclusive.

In my day to day life, I advocate for full inclusion of people with disabilities into every aspect of life by providing equal access. This is starting to happen naturally in all environments because of Civil Rights laws, and because the majority of our population is getting older. I have a weak grasp from my cervical spinal cord injury. People with arthritis do too. I don’t like to lean over, but neither does my husband who doesn’t use a wheelchair. He spent many years playing Hockey as a Goalie, and now has little cartilage left in his knees. Without glasses, neither of us can read anything in print. (I keep a cheap pair of glasses in the garage to read the directions on garden products.) Survival has been the ability to adapt and to effectively communicate when necessary, even by the use of a well written letter without ever having to talk on a telephone.